Hello... nobody. i didn't expect anyone to read my blog. But here it is, my recent life story.
I'm finally graduated from college and got my degree in Communication Science. My 3 years struggles for being a student has finally paid off. there's a lot of dramas involved behind my graduation. but it's all over now, i survived college and that's what matters.
and NOW, the real problem is to find a job.
finding a job is f*cking hard! unless, you have some connection or what Indonesian usually called is "orang dalem". i learned this when i was looking for an internship with my friends back then. and that's how i learned how valuable money is. but this one is real. i'm not applying my job forms to some companies just to learn. i have to work for them! so i need something to be offered to the company right? and this is what made me regretted many things now, like "i wish i was did that back then, so i could do this now".
but it's too late.
luckily, i got a job as a freelancer at one of media company in my town. of course it's not my real real job, like a permanent job, but i take this job REALLY serious as it is my real job, and i want to learn something that i didn't get from college.
So, this is the beginning of my adulthood.
frankly i'm so terrified to be a adult, because i just can't figure my self as one of them. But i gotta change! i don't want being immature for the rest of my life. so i need to make a move to make a change. and i decided to take all the opportunities as much as i can, just like my life motto.
it's already 1 month since i worked there. the people are so nice to me, they're friendly and really competent in their own fields (frankly, their skills just makes me feels threatened sometimes._.). the only thing that bothers me is just the age gap between me and them. i'm the youngest at the company, and sometimes i didn't get their jokes, and neither they gets mine. to be honest, it was suffocating for me to have no one to talk at the office. Tried my best to fit in, but there's like an invisible wall between me and them. i don't blame anyone for this, because maybe it was on me. maybe i'm not trying that hard to fit in, maybe i'm too scared for making mistakes or do terrible things since i was the youngest one, or maybe..... i'm just too awkward? hmm... i think the last one is more likely to be the reason.
lately i've been hating myself. the reason is because i keep making mistakes and it makes me look incompetent for them (this is just what i thought). i always said to my self that making mistakes is commonly happened to every new employees. but again i'm just continue on blaming my self for lacking in many things. it's keep going on until i started to labeling my self as an incompetent. "you should stop bullying your self with this thought" is what i often said to my self, but i couldn't help it as i keep failing on doing simple tasks.
i'm not tired for doing the job. i'm tired for disappointing my boss and my colleagues. i keep failing when i had a chance to proves my self to them. i just want to be helpful.
what's worse about adulting is you don't have anyone to talk or discuss about your concern. they'll be like "nah.. you're too exaggerating things!" or "i've been there. you'll be fine" it doesn't help at all.
what i need is not a boyfriend. i don't want another drama to gave me another headache. i just need someone to talk. someone who inspires me and encouraging me for doing things i am most terrified of.
it's really hard for me to concentrate, my mind keeps distracted by simple things, i often forgot many things, got easily tired and sick, and a sudden mood swing also involves for most of the time. And i just realize, maybe these are the main causes for all of my problems. maybe what i need is not "someone". maybe what i need is to do more exercise, drink more water, and eat healthy food, like i used to do.
I'm finally graduated from college and got my degree in Communication Science. My 3 years struggles for being a student has finally paid off. there's a lot of dramas involved behind my graduation. but it's all over now, i survived college and that's what matters.
and NOW, the real problem is to find a job.
finding a job is f*cking hard! unless, you have some connection or what Indonesian usually called is "orang dalem". i learned this when i was looking for an internship with my friends back then. and that's how i learned how valuable money is. but this one is real. i'm not applying my job forms to some companies just to learn. i have to work for them! so i need something to be offered to the company right? and this is what made me regretted many things now, like "i wish i was did that back then, so i could do this now".
but it's too late.
luckily, i got a job as a freelancer at one of media company in my town. of course it's not my real real job, like a permanent job, but i take this job REALLY serious as it is my real job, and i want to learn something that i didn't get from college.
So, this is the beginning of my adulthood.
frankly i'm so terrified to be a adult, because i just can't figure my self as one of them. But i gotta change! i don't want being immature for the rest of my life. so i need to make a move to make a change. and i decided to take all the opportunities as much as i can, just like my life motto.
it's already 1 month since i worked there. the people are so nice to me, they're friendly and really competent in their own fields (frankly, their skills just makes me feels threatened sometimes._.). the only thing that bothers me is just the age gap between me and them. i'm the youngest at the company, and sometimes i didn't get their jokes, and neither they gets mine. to be honest, it was suffocating for me to have no one to talk at the office. Tried my best to fit in, but there's like an invisible wall between me and them. i don't blame anyone for this, because maybe it was on me. maybe i'm not trying that hard to fit in, maybe i'm too scared for making mistakes or do terrible things since i was the youngest one, or maybe..... i'm just too awkward? hmm... i think the last one is more likely to be the reason.
lately i've been hating myself. the reason is because i keep making mistakes and it makes me look incompetent for them (this is just what i thought). i always said to my self that making mistakes is commonly happened to every new employees. but again i'm just continue on blaming my self for lacking in many things. it's keep going on until i started to labeling my self as an incompetent. "you should stop bullying your self with this thought" is what i often said to my self, but i couldn't help it as i keep failing on doing simple tasks.
i'm not tired for doing the job. i'm tired for disappointing my boss and my colleagues. i keep failing when i had a chance to proves my self to them. i just want to be helpful.
what's worse about adulting is you don't have anyone to talk or discuss about your concern. they'll be like "nah.. you're too exaggerating things!" or "i've been there. you'll be fine" it doesn't help at all.
what i need is not a boyfriend. i don't want another drama to gave me another headache. i just need someone to talk. someone who inspires me and encouraging me for doing things i am most terrified of.
it's really hard for me to concentrate, my mind keeps distracted by simple things, i often forgot many things, got easily tired and sick, and a sudden mood swing also involves for most of the time. And i just realize, maybe these are the main causes for all of my problems. maybe what i need is not "someone". maybe what i need is to do more exercise, drink more water, and eat healthy food, like i used to do.
